The 5 sure-fire ways to tell if you’re an introvert


5  ways to tell if you’re an introvert

1) Everyone loves pineapple. If you have a slice or two, you’re an introvert. If you eat the whole honking thing, you’re an extrovert.

2) Do you keep putting gas in the car, but always seem to be on empty–unless you are driving alone? Then you’re an introvert.

3) What if you are at a party and some goon with a bad hair transplant asks you for a cigarette. Trick question: introverts don’t go to parties.

4) Have you ever been to a fried chicken establishment, ordered a bucket of electrocuted bird parts dipped in spices ( stuff swept off the floor), and eaten alone? If so, you are an introvert.

5) Are your thoughts more important to you than your prescriptions? Then you are an introvert.


Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, though I study human nature form time to time, especially when waiting for paint to dry or for intelligence to dominate the internet.


Bonus material
Charles Darwin interviews Prospero

Darwin: So you’re not a psychologist.
Prospero: [Silence] Sorry, I was miles away.
Darwin: You’re not a psychologist, then.
Prospero: No more than you are a scientist.
Darwin: But I am a scientist.
Prospero: I thought you were a reality television personality.
Darwin: That too. But I’m primarily a scientist. Do you want to see my test tubes?


  1. I have long suspected you to be a raging introvert, and this post proves it. Your reflection also shows that intelligence has at last begun to dominate the internet. Finally (this is my third point), I am quite pipetted by the rather off-hand test-tube remark. It’s conceivable that I could’ve begun existence in one of those.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am glad to hear you were conceived in a laboratory, Bruce. I myself was conceived in a dark alley.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. As ever you are spot on with every single observation and random raving. I must pull you up on one though (no funny business folks, honest) – “Everyone loves pineapple.” – No, not Esme, no siree and this is for two reasons –

    1. in reality it is the devil and all his many minion’s work.

    2. It tastes of soot and cyanide with a squirt of wee.

    – Esme bowing and pegging it fast upon the Cloud

    Liked by 2 people

    • I realize that not everyone loves pineapple (those tangentially related to Victor Hugo being an obvious exception) but I was speaking rhetorically (as is my wont to do). Nevertheless, I am pleased that you found my psychobabble as pleasing as a hot fudge sundae (for those who love sundaes–speaking rhetorically again).

      Liked by 2 people

  3. aloha you magician you.
    haha so Darwin feels that he is a scientist because
    he owns a teat tube.doesnt he realize that the sole
    criteria for being a scientist is to have a ring in your
    thanks for the lovely humorous fodder
    have a scintillating day.
    I hope to hear your first name soon. I hope you
    reply soon cause to quote prospero from the
    now my charms are all o’erthrown
    and what strength I have’s mine own
    which is most faint now tis true
    I must be here confined by you
    in this bare introverted island by your
    but release me from my bonds
    with the help of your good hands
    gentle breath of yours my sails
    must fill
    or else my project fails
    which was to please


  4. I guess what I meant to say was that I heard you utter these words
    through the last tempest and now if you don’t mind I will borrow them.


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