34 steps to growing Darwin’s favorite plant

vft1

I was going to tell the story of an erudite fellow, formerly a grammatician, formerly a bovine grief counselor at an abattoir, who, at some prepubescent soccer game, where the word incompetence passed involuntarily from parent to parent, was regrettably caught streaking: he stood in the middle of the field, dangling his modifier.

Instead, I have returned to my favorite subject, ecclesiastical studies. But since developments in that sphere have been slow in the last several months, I have sought green pastures.

The 34 steps to growing Darwin’s favorite plant

Early in the process of writing this article, I made the strategic decision to skip the first 33 steps, as the handling of catarrh and buffalo faeces is not everyone’s cup of tea. Incidentally, buffalo dung tea is excellent with manuka honey–make sure to have handy a fly swatter though.

The legal maneuvers to procure carnivorous plant seed and import them to this island (which is by all measures much nicer than the Galapagos) make the bureaucracy of Jarndyce v Jarndyce look feeble in comparison.

I am a great admirer of CD (not Dickens, the other CD), even though some of his conclusions strike me as absurd, as we surely did not evolve from primates. This stupefyingly dumb theory is so typical of 19th century thinking–or rather, 19th century fantasizing–fostered in part by the infamous lingerie catalogues of the day, mostly originating from Paris, where bipedal fashion is made scintillating–and at times positively chimpanzeesque, if I can coin a term. Nevertheless, Darwin’s Origin of the Stiletto Heel is incomparable. But the more cogent theory that the whole shebang we call life was willed, is far more likely to find favor in the minds of so-called Millennials, including those perplexed by the notion of gender and who have difficulty making binary choices. What goes around, comes around. Incidentally, I once knew a man who thought himself a woman, only to later think himself a man. Please note that this is a far different person that the one who thought himself to be a man without ever revisiting the subject.

Clearly, I do not wish to split porcupine quills over the issue of gender. What is self-evident to me may not wash on Main Street, O.W.G (One-World Government).

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15 Comments

  1. “Nevertheless, his Origin of the Stiletto Heel is incomparable” – By the Gods of all sizes and their canine companions I have missed your writing (and of course your good self, though the two do, without doubt, skip into the arena hand in hand, and with some aplomb (or some plums, take your pick) as well) dear Wiz, and you have not disappointed with your opening piece either. Of course here on the Cloud, we only have tofu-eating plants. *nods* Welcome back to the wordy scene. *presents him with a large sticky bun that has her face upon it*.

    – Esme having finally got her Prospero fix and looking high as a kite about it too upon the Cloud

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ll be blogging about foot fashion from now on. The only way to be serious these days is to be frivolous (sounds so aphoristically Oscar Wilde, doesn’t it?). Yet, it perfectly encapsulates my methods (don’t tell anyone, I hate a copycat).

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is the best logical argument I’ve seen proving that Lamarck was right and Darwin wrong. Your cold hard facts give the lie to all this monkey-business. Where can I get one of those Parisian lingerie catalogues?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t like to boast, but my collection of lingerie catalogues (past and present) will soon be on exhibit at the museum of modern art (in the basement, naturally).

      Liked by 2 people

      • When it occurs, I shall descend to that level.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I hope you don’t mind crowds.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I despise crowds. Perhaps I could have a private viewing? Besides, I wouldn’t wish to excite members of the crowd.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’ll have a word with the curator.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re alive! And you haven’t changed a bit! And I can’t understand a damn thing you’ve said! And I loved it all!

    Liked by 3 people

    • English is a poor vessel for madness, yet there is something to be said for constancy. Nevertheless, I am happy to hear from you, Susanne.

      Like

  4. Roxana* says:

    one of my favourite plants too! (after i heard about its existence from a certain magician, of course) – though “favourite” should be read here as: “i find it awesome” in the etymological sense of the word!

    in a world in which a congressman declares that he is not worried about climate-change because god will fix it even if men caused it, i think Darwin’s Origin of the Stiletto Heel faces tough competition 🙂 as an aside, my students – it turned out this semester – haven’t heard of CD at all (and barely heard of the other one, Dickens), your post would have fallen on deaf ears anyway (which i suppose it can only make you happy as shunning wide public success has always been and will always be the goal of every wise being, in my opinion 🙂

    (as usual, i have a zen story hidden in my sleeve to prove my point: The master Kobori Enshū (1579–1647) was complimented by his disciples on his taste in tea wares [it also applies, of course, to the taste in plants and flowers, it goes without saying, my note]. “Said they, ‘Each piece is such that no one could help admiring. … Sorrowfully Enshū replied: ‘This only proved how commonplace I am. The great Rikyū dared to love only objects which personally appealed to him, whereas I unconsciously cater to the taste of the majority”.)

    i am so happy to see you back!!!

    * WordPress, in all its wisdom, was trying to dissuade poor Roxana (from Poland–so she says, but I don’t believe her for reasons that would be too long to get into) from posting her comment. Bummer that.

    Like

  5. testing aloha great to see you will be back shortly.someone may not be keeping me from poland but perhaps wordprees

    Like

  6. ah success.it has been so long since I posted here that I wasnt sure if I could do it again.
    It has been so long. I dont mean to sound like your mother bur really how dare you be so long.but then I know it is all magical youtoy with time and time toys with you.
    I loved your post you made me smile several times.the stilletos probably evolved from the flamingos legs and the genitals are tired
    of being boxed in they want to go universal but they don’t want to be extinguished.
    the whole issue is knowledge is only a tool to flirt with the universe and only people like you and I realized it shouldnt be taken seriously.
    so in other words knowledge is roll over universe tickle tickle. andthen we only realize that the symphony of the stars is a symphony of mockery. and how I love to hear the stars laugh.

    To Ariel I am so sorry Ariel for everything
    .
    have a beautiful day Prospero.
    also signed Madeleine did I ever say that haha.raphaellae is so much more idiotic because I am not an seraphim yet.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Mad, am I to understand that we have a mutual acquaintance in Poland?

      Your phrase ‘symphony of mockery’ is praiseworthy. Also, your ability to hear the stars laugh is to be regarded as a gift.

      Time is a crazy fox, cunning and mischievous, a marvelous companion for the dicey journey we’re on.

      Ariel, incidentally, is fine. Presently she’s reading Beowulf, having quite by happenstance acquired a taste for epic poems.

      (N.B. When the truest of angels first sprout wings, they are never truly convinced of their heritage)

      Liked by 2 people

      • thankyou for your lovely comments but no one is allowed to call me Mad. please don’t give me ideas. haha like going mad.
        ofcourse we both know beautiful Roxana.
        nice to hear your zen again Roxana.
        have a glorious day.

        Liked by 1 person


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