Another swift though modest proposal

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Another swift though modest proposal.

I, political commentator that I am, was re-reading King Lear, the part when Gonorrhea said to Regan, “Oh, you’re such a ho,” and it occurred to me that there is something wrong in America.

Allow me then to propose a tiny amendment to the constitution:

From this day forth, all presidential candidates shall poll no higher than one percent on name recognition.

The implication is clear: any candidate who is known to the public is immediately disqualified from sitting in a curule chair on the White House lawn.

This is, I think, a small price to pay for living in a vibrant democracy (well, pseudodemocracy–it’s as good as it gets).

I’d also like to propose another tweak (distant pun intended): elections shall take no longer than six weeks after the pistol at the starting gate has been discharged and no campaign donations shall be solicited; rather there shall be five televised debates (instantly available on social media) and one arm wrestling contest.

If you find merit in these ideas, you may circulate them and later congratulate yourself for being a fine, empowered citizen.

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14 Comments

  1. I’m behind you all the way here – *piggy-backing to underline how much*.

    No curule chair, nor runcible spoon if they ask for one, I’d be hard pressed to give anyone well known beyond my private circle *swings an obliging cat round* one to be honest. And honesty is certainly what’s lacking in politics, more-so now than ever, yet ever were it so.

    Arm wrestling, excellent idea! Let’s see what they can do with a comb and paper too eh?! Or have I gone too far? Is it ever too far when the world’s future hangs in the balance? Yes. Or, no! I bow to your superior knowledge in this arena sir – *gets rid of the Lions for the moment*.

    – esme applauding upon the Cloud

    Liked by 1 person

    • If the American people agree, Esme might be wheedled into vetting the candidates by putting their shining calvities (or adventitious limbs and members) in a meatgrinder. This painful test is normally very revealing and the good news is that Esme is willing to turn the handle (whilst listening to Handel). Democracy has found a champion in Esme.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When is the election? Is it coming up soon? Lyndon Johnson must be due to finish?

    Liked by 2 people

    • In six weeks, Bruce. Naturally you and I are ineligible to vote as we do not reside in a theme park. Nevertheless, our small voices ought to be heard, from time to time, on evenings with granite skies and exploding stars, on holidays, and from shaky podiums.

      Liked by 2 people

      • “Naturally you and I are ineligible to vote as we do not reside in a theme park.” – *esme in small fits upon the Cloud*

        Liked by 3 people

  3. Thank you for that information. I shall turn the television news on in six weeks (as I like to keep up) and (if need be) shake my podiums at the granite skies.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. If I may be so bold as to tweak further, I think thumb wrestling would be a better approach, preferably with a prosthesis so that both sides digits are the same size. Those with preternaturally (I’ve always wanted to use that word) petit piggies or gorilla mitts would be equalized.

    And to finish on a positive note, brilliant opening line!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Preternatural is right at home on this blog, Susanne with no zee.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. good day to you Prospero,suddenly youve appeared with your magic great to see you, eh feel your presence eh never mind.it is wonderful that you are writing here.

    the american election is just about all I can laugh at.(not really but I got to say it) it is just that it is intrinsically funny on its own and we dont have to work to add humour haha.presidential campaigns where the candidates bring up each other’s rape issues. the president elect discussing grabbing womens pussies refereing to women as being eating machines the president wont submit his income tax return and here us humble citizesn would never get away with that. he is going to jail his opponents but then when they show up at his inauguration the opposition receives a standing ovation instead, one of the presidential candidates lost the election because fthe fbi exposed her personal use of emails it was stipulated that she sent a recipe in one of them and I am outraged that the ingredients were not described to the masses the list is endless.
    Iran televised the presidential debates although they usually do not air american but it was a lesson to their masses to stay away from american culture haha.hahahahahahahaha too funny the list is endless.
    anyway I will answer more directly to your humour although I must point out and I hope you are not too disappointed that the reality is hilarious in its own rite haha.

    see you to continue.great stuff keep it up !!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. good day Prospero.
    I lo0000000000ved your post and on having reconsidered I feel that you are funnier than the media after all.

    Cool image and ofcourse everything on the net is top secret.haha.cool.

    yes I think America is hoho but the real problem I think lies with Santa.

    all polls are drole anyway fake peices of news the latest rise from the victorious administration.

    I like your idea about where the candidates will sit on the lawn.this is important to consider when you are having an alice in wonderland luncheon

    yes just look to america to find out what democracy isnt

    instead of an arm wrestle they could play russian roulette with Putins pistol

    anyway he’s not my president
    not my country
    not my neighbours,the deplorables that voted the president in9he he didnt magically drop from heaven nor was he ejected from hell he was voted in even 40 some percent by the pussies.

    Im even less proud of being canadian
    have a beuatiful day-cool stuff you magician you!!!!!!! some days I truly feel that words like these will one day revolutionize consciousness.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I like a splenetic, tunnel-visioned politician as much as the next person, yet bristle at the vapidity of an electorate seemingly unable to distinguish between policy and the bravado of a reality television host.

      Mind you, I do not champion the establishment and the current state of affairs needs to be upended–but is a narcissistic, Aryan-haired bully the right vehicle?

      Liked by 1 person

  7. “seemingly unable to distinguish between policy and the bravado of a reality tv host”
    sums it up beautifully.they are so drugged by drugs and speed and the violence of google glasses that they cant be serious anymore.it is all highlighted by despair. just one more toke and one more joke but their jokes should be contained in blogs.
    I am not responsible for what I say when I am under the influence of the media.
    I am writing off line about how the current admin treats attaining the presidency in the same way as purchasing a fast car.maybe someday you will post on that hahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. good day Prospero
    thankyou for posting about this. I enjoy your writing. I say that part of the reason I have a blog is to vent about politics.well sometimes I enjoyed responding to your wit.
    Have a beautiful day.HUGS and tickles to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. oops grammar goes out the window in free verse oh is that what it is. your compliment wasnt delivered properly haha I meant to say I like to vent about politics sometimes. period. I ALWAYS enjoy responding to your wit.
    have a gorgeous day you magician you.
    HUGS

    Liked by 2 people


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