Don’t stand in my way of the sky

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Most bloggers would probably choose a photograph that in some way encapsulates the meaning and spirit of the post it is perched upon. This is a mistake. Wet-behind-the-ears bloggers–henceforward referred to as greenhorns–may attempt this strategy thinking it is for them a road to riches. I laugh scornfully. Such incompetence in the blogosphere, such bravado on the part of the greenhorn!

 

No, really–here’s the way to do it. Think of your subject. That’s the first thing. Then, let your mind wander to the far reaches of our planetary system. Now stop that. It’s worth doodly-squat and you are wasting your valuable time. Instead, think of your first job. Then think of the first person you encountered while discharging said duty. Was that person sloppily dressed? If yes, think of the object next to them at the time–maybe it was a cantankerous poster of Karl Marx waving a disapproving finger, a floor lamp vaguely in the shape of a giraffe, a full grain leather car seat (if you happened to be in a limousine at the time), or a large storefront window with vistas of dim-witted shoppers in mortal combat. Now you have your photograph.

 

If, per contra, the person was impeccably dressed, then trouble your memory for this: what was the dominant color of their handsome attire? Maybe a red scarf screamed out at you as through you were a bull in a matador’s laird. Maybe it was a yellow polka-dotted necktie as thin as Twiggy, the British model from a bygone era. Now photograph something of that color. Anything.

 

I hope some of this information is helpful to bloggers. It isn’t readily available as most successful bloggers will not disseminate this sort of information to the greenhorn. Consider yourself lucky that someone as magnanimous as myself would willingly, noisily part with a powder keg of trade secrets. But I do it for one reason alone. I do it for the money.

 

‘Don’t stand in my way of the sky’ is the name of a soon-to-be-released single by a nonexistent band.  Don’t look for it in stores.

Actually, it’s my advice to birds, but you already knew that.

And all this makes a perfect segue to “Lemonade Stand,” which you may marvel at now.

Rewriting it fourteen times allowed me to include every possible way the word ‘stand’ might be used in a fictional work. Naturally the editor I was assigned to had to be hospitalized by the tenth draft. I sent flowers, of course, but that’s only because I’m sentimental about things. I’m magnanimous too. Maybe I mentioned that.

Lemonade Stand

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12 Comments

  1. Just make sure you have a photo–almost any photo—and not too many words thus unaccompanied. Thinking about this takes me back to my own greenhornhood when I was so proud to be able to read a book without pictures— my word, that’s quaint!

    But this post is a perfect example of my quaintness: I am already overdosed on the glut of everyone’s photos but , oh my, how I love your “Don’t stand in my way of the sky..” A most evocative statement that could engender a poem.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Don’t stand in my way of the sky

      Yes, there’s something combative about it, in a poetic, skyward manner. Some always chose to be different, and for them there’s always something in the way. Others, I suppose, are free from such encumbering thoughts or obstacles. They come in two flavors: the masses and the dead.

      When can we expect the poem?

      Liked by 2 people

      • Ah, the silent majority. President Nixon saw them as the masses, and most of the 19th century saw them as the dead. I think we are outnumbered, Prospero, especially by the dead. Data from the US Population Reference Bureau published in 2011 say that there are now 14 dead people in the world for every 1 of the living.

        Actually, there’s no telling when the poem will immaterialize. I usually wait for them to come on their own.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nixon once said that he likes his movies made in the USA–I don’t. So in that way, one could say that Nixon stands (stood) in my way of a brooding sky.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The thing I most like about the method you propose for selecting a snapshot is that it gives most greenhorn bloggers no time to post any words. However, if I still posted I would find this most helpful. One of the things that struck me was your use of the term “doodly-squat”. I would’ve used the word “doodle-squat” – which goes to show the vast cultural chasm that is developing between the two hemispheres. I shall stop! I have stood in the way of your sky for long enough!

    Liked by 1 person

    • But Bruce, you may stand in the way of my sky (which shall soon be immortalized in a poem by Cynthia) anytime you like. It only applies to people of my own hemisphere. Maybe I didn’t make that clear.

      (But somewhere in the back of Bruce’s mind is either Kiri Te Kanawa or–when shall I return to the family of bloggers (a family of misfits, to be sure, but a family all the same) with a brand new blog?)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kiri Te Kanawa can stay in the back of my mind as far out of the way as possible… ! I look forward to your possible immortalization – shall it be a romantic ode or a merry rondeau? Perhaps a free-verse limerick or a Nordic saga? How exciting!

        I feel a novel coming on – but to paraphrase Plato (I read this years ago and have never rediscovered it) “Leak one little milligram of what you’re planning and the magic is lost forever…” (Not his exact words of course, but the thought is there).

        Liked by 1 person

      • A platonic novel about you and Kiri Te on an ice floe, somewhere off the coast of Finland… there’s magic in that icy synopsis. Best seller material (if asexual polar bears suddenly take to reading).

        Liked by 1 person

      • I take it that asexual bears are not bipolar.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I usually bring the wit-o-meter down from the cobwebby attic for Cynthia, but this time it will be for you, Bruce. And it looks like it’s off the charts.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Here in Maine we say diddly-squat.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Actually – now that I hear it – diddly-squat is also heard in these “Shakey Isles”.

        Liked by 1 person


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