Personality, the scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs kind.

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The thing about personality is that either you have it or you don’t. And if there’s one thing I learned about weighing a modest five pounds (when I haven’t just eaten half a lemon meringue pie, as that tends to skew the result) it’s that you have to have personality, the scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs kind. In my case I reckon my plumage accounts for most of the measurable mass, and that I’d very nearly be massless without it, which has dire implications for the expansion/contraction of the universe argument. But these measurements, like life itself, are all very speculative—for instance, just how much can a bit of cartilage weigh? And bones the size of toothpicks certainly don’t register on any scale I know of—let’s face it, I don’t live at CERN (and the particle accelerator next to my water bowl is made of cheap plastic and probably a fake); I just live in a plain dog house, equipped with a sauna, two large screen televisions, and Mr. Frisky, a megalomanic armadillo, stuffed lovingly by Chinese factory hands with the plushest gossamer, bearing a chewed-off ear, like a cross, probably the result of some guerrilla war, most likely the brutal campaign fought against toy store owners in the 1980s—you must recall it. I wasn’t yet born at the time, but then again who was?



  1. You are much too much of a word person to be living at CERN anyway. They suffer from acronym anachronism, based probably on a deep-seated fear of dipthongs.
    I like your style….but what will you claim next? That you can travel faster than light?


    • Even neutrinos do not travel faster than light. Shame, really: I had such high hopes for the tiniest-of-tiny particle. It’s the darling of subatomic particles and deserves, in my considered opinion, to have it’s own little dog house in the cosmos.


  2. Personality to spare!


  3. Frisky personality – poised and ready to chase! Game on ~ hopefully the cosmos doghouse is ready to go.


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